


Amor Me Amare

by Anxgelic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Overthinking, Patient Bokuto, Pining, Unsure Akaashi, hopelessly in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:49:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27615122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anxgelic/pseuds/Anxgelic
Summary: "I love you, Keiji. I am in love with you but I know you don't love me, so don't feel like you need to say it back. It's okay!"Bokuto's grin could've split his face in half, though, Akaashi thought it wasn't fair how he was the one who felt like crying.**this will be a oneshot for the time being**
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	Amor Me Amare

**Author's Note:**

> wanted to write some heartbreak so ✍️

He thought he’d be alright with the idea of love.

And he was.

At least that’s what he thought some years ago.

Nowadays, Akaashi progressively began pointing out his own flaws, his own reasons as to why it would be hard for someone to love him.

It was unhealthy to plant these seeds of Doubt, Anxiety and Low Self-Esteem. He’d let them bloom in the spring and let them dance in the wind of the April showers but by the time those showers turned to snow, the now fully bloomed setbacks would never freeze over.

_“Luggage.”_ That’s what he equated his emotions to. And no one likes to drag luggage around. Especially someone else’s luggage.

That’s what he thought for the longest…until high school.

High school was where he met Bokuto Koutaro. Everyone’s sun. The star of his own sky as he was the beat of his own drum.

Bokuto was one of the only people Akaashi knew who wanted to willingly carry other people’s luggage. You’d think it was impossible with his own amount but he made it work. He put what was important to him first.

At that time, Akaashi didn’t want to overload the other with his own problems, knowing full well everyone had a breaking point. He couldn’t take advantage of the fact he didn’t know where Bokuto’s was.

Their teammates would’ve said Akaashi was oblivious to Bokuto’s advances but that wasn’t true at all. He was fully aware of them. He was just too deep into his own head to have noticed anything else. Did he regret not noticing? Not exactly. There was nothing to lose.

If anything, Akaashi thinks he might've gave the spiker accidental motivation to further pursue him. With their team suggesting the notion that Akaashi could possibly the most oblivious of them all, Bokuto came at him with everything he had. _Tenfold._

It started off as small advances: pleading for more setting practice after the other members left for the day. Offering to walk to the train station together. Slinging an arm over his less broader shoulders.

Then, one day, it started to become blatantly obvious if it wasn’t already. Things slowly went from something he can easily overlook to something he had to stop and think about. There were situations where Bokuto suggested the nickname ‘Kitten’ because apparently _“Kuroo calls Kenma that and I think it’s cute!”_

The elder would go out of his way to bring him lunch despite Akaashi bringing his own. _“What am I to do with two lunches?”_ He was told to save it for tomorrow.

He suggested the setter call him ‘Bo’ or ‘Koutaro’ to which Akaashi politely declined out of respect. Bokuto understood. _“Can I call you Keiji?”_

But the tipping point was around Valentines Day in his second year.

He was assumed to have went home already, though, no one bothered to check to confirm. Akaashi had heard rumors from his teammates that the spiker was planning on getting him something.

It was supposed to be a surprise (which it still was) but the setter didn’t want it.

Not because he was being spiteful. He didn’t want Bokuto to give a present to someone who didn’t like him back.

Or someone who wasn’t sure if he liked him back.

The closer it got to Valentines Day, the more he dreaded being around the captain. Akaashi had requested multiple times to speak with the elder to no avail as they were constantly interrupted or sidetracked. No one was to blame. This was around tournament season so training was harsher than normal.

The only time he had to speak with the other was the big holiday. After practice, everyone had shared what kinds of gifts they’ve gotten. Akaashi had gotten a few bags of candy from his classmates. The discussion, though, didn’t last too long before everyone began to scatter and leave for the day. On purpose, perhaps.

It was only confirmed when he was left alone with a loud “Keiji!”.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary on their walk towards the train station but it felt off to Akaashi.

Was Bokuto talking less? Is that why it’s so quiet?

He probably didn’t get anything after all. There’s nothing to worry about.

“Hey, uh…Keiji?”

He’d only noticed Bokuto stopped walking seconds after he stopped himself. Something was wrong. Something was off.

What was it?

“Yes, Bokuto-san?” And he was shocked.

He’d never actually seen Bokuto be so…timid before. For some reason, he felt the sense of dread spread throughout his body the longer he observed the elder’s state. “W-What is it?”

“I get that you’ve been wanting to have a chat lately but we couldn’t! So I figured since we have the time now that we can talk?”

It was rather mature of him to suggest so. Akaashi had assumed he’d forgotten about it. There wouldn’t be a reason for him to bring up the Valentines Day situation when it was already in motion but if he didn’t say anything, Bokuto would probably give him his gift.

To say he was scared was an understatement.

The train station was within eyesight. He could use an excuse. Or not. If he ran away, he could make it to the platform in six minutes with long strides. Maybe he should leave now just in ca—

“Ah, I actually…forgot about what I wanted to tell you. I apologize, Bokuto-san…”

“It’s okay! Don’t sweat it.” He says despite somewhat sweating himself. “That’s actually alright since I had something to tell you about myself.”

There it was. His heartbeat leapt to his throat.“I-I have to go catch my train…” It came out much like a whisper in comparison to the captain’s bold words.

“I…understand but please? I’ll make it quick, I promise.”

How could he say no the pleading look the other gave him? He _couldn’t_. He nodded.

Bokuto gave a hefty sigh, almost echoing that of a proud lion. “It isn’t a gift or present of any sort. I didn’t want to get you something you might just put away to avoid seeing again,”

Exactly what he would’ve done.

“I just wanted to personally tell you, Akaashi Keiji, that I—“

“Bokuto..”

“—am in love with you. Hopelessly so. _Madly_.”

“Bokuto-san—“

“And that I apologize.”

An apology? Why’s he apologizing?

The setter’s face must’ve given him away as Bokuto offered him a wide grin.

“I’m not apologizing for pursuing you. Not at all, I’m very proud of that. I’m not saying sorry for loving you either. I’ll forever do that.” Then that grin morphed into sad satisfaction. “I’m saying sorry for putting this burden on you. The idea that someone likes you but you don’t like them back? That sounded a lot tougher than I thought at first.”

Akaashi was still a bit stunned. He wanted to run away, immediately, but his feet wouldn’t move so he was forced to sit and listen.

“I don’t want you to pity me, Keiji. I already knew there was a chance you didn’t feel the same way so it’s alright!” It wasn’t alright. What’s he supposed to do if he can’t pity him?

“But _I love you_. I meant that. I love you and I know you don’t love me, so don’t feel like you have to say it back.”

He didn’t know what to do. Bokuto didn’t seem as if he wanted to be consoled. They couldn’t just celebrate either. They’d known each other for almost all of high school and he feels as if this is the correct time to say something?

“B-Bokuto-san, why did you…the timing is awful. We still have competitions and games to play and you thought _now_ was the correct time to—”

“Yes.” Yes?

“No. How am I supposed to play properly now with all of this information?”

It was silent for a while as they both took time to process each other’s words.

“Were you planning on avoiding me after this?”

Akaashi sputtered, not really sure how or if he should answer. Avoiding him was the first thing he thought of doing. But for the sake of the team, that wouldn’t be proficient.

“Ah! Kenma said you might do that. It’s weird how he knows more about your personality than I do.” Then Bokuto laughed heartily at the thought.

He was laughing while Akaashi felt like _crying_. If he was crueler, he would’ve wanted it the other way around.

That was a lie.

He wouldn’t want to see everyone’s sun cry out of heartbreak.

Akaashi figured the elder was at least stable and expected this outcome so maybe he really didn’t have to worry about anything.

He checks this watch. There was still time before the train arrived.

Bokuto stopped laughing at the sight of his crush bowing to him deeply. “I…I thank you for confessing your feelings to me but I do have to go home now.”

“Oh yeah! Let’s keep walking to the platform.”

“Ah, actually I’d prefer if…I went alone today…”

Bokuto seemed genuinely puzzled before shrugging, waving to him. “Alrighty, Keiji! See you tomorrow!”

Akaashi wanted nothing more than to sit under his blankets and sit there until he rotted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As in the beginning, I was unsure if I should make a oneshot or not. How are we feeling?

**Author's Note:**

> how do you guys feel? 😋 To keep up with fics I write and news related to them, feel free to follow my [twitter](https://twitter.com/anxgelico)


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